Waiting… so hard

Guys, I am so anxious. I should be receiving notice that the USCIS (US Customs and Immigration Services) has received our paperwork. I sent it off three weeks ago–and now I am waiting.

Meanwhile, we are packing up, selling, giving away, and moving. It’s tough–seven plus years in a country allows you to accumulate a lot of “stuff.” It would be easier probably if it were just my stuff. But there are the kids and Victor to consider. I am trying to keep an eye on things that they aren’t playing with. Actually, we’ve already packed up quite a bit.

I’ve been thinking, scheming, and planning to figure out how to move across the border. It’s a bit tricky with the doggy. I will have to figure out how to get him all packed up and ready to go. He also needs a letter from the veterinarian to say he’s had his shots. It will be a little bit more of a hassle to take him along. I will be limited to hotels that accept dogs, and that’s a bit annoying.

I feel so full of emotions right now, it’s hard to even put into words how I am feeling. One minute I am excited–the next sad. I try to push all of the negative thoughts out of my mind. It’s way easier to go day to day thinking happy thoughts!

Vaya Con Dios

Jojo’s school performance with her papas!

The other day I read a post on a Facebook support group for people who are going through the same paperwork process as us for immigration. The lady said, “Waiver is in the mail! Now it’s in God’s hands.”

I was caused to remember this again yesterday when I finally sent off Victor’s waiver. I had to remind myself that this has always been in God’s hands, but I understand what the lady on Facebook meant. You work so hard for so long to prepare the best possible case with the strongest evidence. Then when you finish, you have a choice: embracing desperation or hope, worry or faith…

I choose faith.

In Chiapas when when you say goodbye to someone, they often reply with this farewell, “Que la vaya con Dios.” It basically means, “Go with God.” And that is what I kept saying to myself yesterday. It is literally out of my hands now. There’s nothing I can do now. I just have to wait and trust…

People have been asking about our plans, and it is hard to explain how this whole process works. I explain our future like this: There is a VERY slight (practically non-existent) possibility that Victor will get to come home this summer. That is based on an expedite that I can request once the immigration-powers-that-be receive our paperwork. Honestly, it will be almost impossible to get the expedite–they aren’t given out easily. (This isn’t a negative thought, just a realistic one.)

Most likely, our expedite will be denied, and then we have to wait for regular processing like everyone else. Right now processing is taking 10-14 months. So at the earliest, Victor might be approved next March.

If Victor’s waiver is approved, then he will have to go through the visa process again–new vaccines, new police records from Mexico and the U.S., and more money. BUT this is all money that people are happy to pay at this point, as it means that their loved ones are returning home. If he is approved, there are additional fees for the greencard.

There’s also a chance that the evidence that I sent won’t be sufficient for approving his waiver, and they could either deny our application or request more information. Normally they request more evidence, and that is when people know they are close to a decision being made. If Victor’s waiver is denied, the girls and I will return to Mexico next summer.

We are approaching this next step much the way I did when I moved to Mexico: trusting that God is in control and has the best plans for us. “Precious thought, my father knoweth, in his love I rest. For what e’re my father doeth must be always best. Well I know the heart that planneth, naught but good for me. Joy and sorrow interwoven, love in all I see…”

Now we are reaching our final months and weeks in Torreón, and there is so much to do. I’ve started selling or giving away whatever I can. We’re setting aside things that Victor will be able to use in his new house, and making plans for what needs to return home with us. I’ve got a couple boxes packed, and I am trying to talk myself through this process with positive thinking. It’s hard though, I won’t lie.

This little girl is full of life, but she’s picky with whom she shares all that spirit.

Ale is super excited AND nervous. She woke up this morning, and the first thing she said was, “I can’t wait for school in Tennessee.” But last week at meeting she wrote me this note, “I love Tennessee, but I am not ready to move.” I am mostly sad about the girls not being close to their Papi. He plays such a vital role in their daily life, and I don’t know what will happen when he isn’t there. All I can think is that we HAVE to make sure to Facetime every day! Oh! it breaks my heart to think of it…

Update on Immigration Costs (in USD): $2,130+permission to reapply ($930)+waiver ($930)= $3,990 total

This is our favorite place to eat. Ale surprised us with this message on their cool chalkboard wall, and because I am a literacy mama, I asked for a photo! ❤

A Family Update–Albeit, Not a Positive Post

It’s true I have dreaded writing an update on the blog.  So much has happened since our last post–and yet, I feel my heart is a little heavy.  Maybe it’s like that because I am not going home this summer–not for a visit, and not to move (as we had originally planned…)  Maybe it’s because it’s the end of the school year, and I always get a little stressed at the end of the school year.  Maybe it’s just life–a little good, a little bad, a little happy, and a little sad.

For whatever reason, I haven’t felt the need to write here.

Victor went in early May for his visa appointment.  It was scheduled for July, but we were able to change it in April when the calendar was updated in Ciudad Juarez.  He stayed with some of our friends, which was nice.  He was there for a week, which wasn’t too nice.  Everything went well for his appointments, and he received his denial on the last day.  That’s really what we were waiting for–the denial.

With Victor’s denial, we can submit his waivers.  As soon as we can get together the money, we will send those in.  Each waiver costs nearly $1,000–and the last appointment to Ciudad Juarez cost around $1,300.  That brings our total cost to over $2,000 so far.  This is without the aide of a lawyer which would, of course, cost more.

It isn’t that I am not glad I am here in Torreon another year…I am.  It’s just that things aren’t exactly super stable right now.  Between school, tutoring, Victor’s changing schedule, and the regular housework, life is nutty.  We also have the workers staying with us regularly, and this changes our schedule a bit.  (In Mexico, they eat lunch at around 2 and supper around 8.  Needless to say, that puts us in bed later–and creates pretty grumpy nights around here.)

Ale is finishing her second year of school, and will start kindergarten in August.  Jojo will also start school with us–something we are all looking forward to.  She asks if she can go to school almost daily, and has even gotten out of the car to go in a couple times.  It will also be nice to have our schedules more of the same.

Annnndddd… good things are happening at work too.  FINALLY, Responsive Classroom will be coming to train teachers.  I’ve been asking for this for a while.  Additionally, some other things that I am pretty proud of.

I guess I just feel really nervous.  We know we have some big year coming our way–and I don’t feel too positive at the moment.  That isn’t something I am really used to.  Every day it seems like something else is in the new about immigrants and the way they are being treated.  Families are being split up at our border and families are being split BY our border.  The hardest thing is that I suspect it will be our family next year split–due to the processing time and the money associated with the waivers.

So, speaking of immigrants and their struggle for a better life: the minimum wage is about $4.30 USD a day.  Not factoring in the cost of food, housing, water, school, clothes, or other necessities in life, it would take a year and a half of working six days a week saving EVERY peso you make to get as far as we have at this point.  Of course, if you think the immigrants should be able to eat, have money for transportation to work (bus fare), send their kids to school, pay for water and electricity, or have clean drinking water you might be able to see the problem that many immigrants face.

Immigration Costs (in USD): $830 + Medical appointment, visa appointment, translations, travel, other costs for a week in Juarez $1,300= $2,130 total

Preparing for Juarez

I belong to a few groups on Facebook. I guess one might call them support groups–as they are made up of people like us trying to get visa approval for immigration to the United States of America.

It was there I first learned that my understanding of the process for Victors waivers was incorrect. It was there I learned of the change in processing time for waivers. (They used to be processed in 4-6 months. Now the processing time is officially 13.5-18 months.) It was in one of these groups that I read something welcomed: the calendar of appointments in Juarez was updated to included new appointments for April, May, and June.

We changed Victor’s appointment from July to the last days of April. Now we are preparing for his appointment.

Once the appointment is made, we can start really preparing. Victor will have to have several appointments prior to his actual visa appointment (in which we know he will be denied). He will have an in-depth medical appointment, which costs a couple hundred dollars. The price includes of they determine that he needs additional vaccinations, etc. Some people end up paying around $500 just for the medical appointment. We are going to try to get Victor’s immunizations here at the clinic to save us $250 or more…

Additionally, he has to get fingerprinted well ahead of his visa appointment. If we were like most people, we would also need to rent a hotel room for Victor for around a week. That’s an added expense we are hoping to avoid by staying with friends.

Of course, when it comes to expenses, Victor will still need to pay for the visa appointment ($320) and for the travelogue and from Juarez. Additionally, he will need money for food, etc.

You’ve heard me tell you before this isn’t an easy process–now let me tell you that this is also not a cheap process. We will be lucky if we spend less than $1,000 USD for this step. And this isn’t even our complicated step…

Once he is denied, he will be notified of the waivers that he can file. Together, to file those papers will cost just shy of $2,000 USD. Oh, and you must pay for all of these items in advance. The payment isn’t upon approval–you pay, and really hope you get approved, because who can afford to do it all again?

The money is secondary to the stress that I feel preparing for the visa appointment. There are so many papers required, it feels like a struggle to get them together. Additionally, all documents in Spanish must be translated. That costs around $12-15 per page. Copies of the documents are to be made and labeled for quick access. The originals must accompany Victor–as they might also be requested.

Remember when I mentioned how hard it is to immigrate? I’ve said this before: I am an intelligent, literate, educated citizen…and I struggle. Now, let’s think of all the people who cross the border from a place of desperation. This isn’t easy. It isn’t quick. There is nothing about it that makes this an enjoyable experience for any of us. The only comfort Victor and I have is knowing that we serve a God who has good things planned for us.

On that note I will sign off for now.

Immigration Costs (in USD): I-130 $420+travel costs $300+translations $100+photographs $10=$830 total

An Immigration Update

I’ve avoided writing this post as I wait to figure out what is going on in this crazy world we live in. This morning I read the news while lying beside the girls, and one article stood out to me. A family, separated when the dad of three was deported. He wasn’t a drug dealer, a rapist, or whatever other ugly term is currently in fashion for describing undocumented immigrants. He was a dad of three, working in agriculture in the U.S. with nothing on his record in addition to his immigration status.

The article mentioned that while more immigrants were deported under the Obama administration, the biggest change is the increase in arrests of people who aren’t hardened criminals. It suggested that raising fear in people was the intent. Then it’d said something, about how children are in a constant state of anxiety. Parents are being advised to have “what if” plans drawn up giving legal rights to someone in the event of their deportation.

Families are being split up without getting a choice in the matter, but I have a choice.

I am going to stay in Mexico one more year while we wait on my husband’s papers. I am not going to move the girls away, just because that was our original plan. I will file the papers, and wait.

See, last week we found out that it is taking 15 months for approval on waivers that once took 4-6 months. This, apparently, is due to a shortage of staff in Customs and Immigration . If we file when we think we can, it means that we will be in the U.S. while Victor is here for around a year and a half. Ale would be nearly 7 and Jojo nearly 4. It isn’t worth it…

A friend reminded me of God’s timing a few days ago. And so, again I find myself in the place of realizing how hard I tried to make something happen in a time that it wasn’t meant to happen.

One more year in Mexico is all the difference between us paying for two households, us finding child care for Jojo, us stressing to find Victor a house to move into… now we will have one more year to work on Spanish, one more year to help out here in the meetings, one more year to work on getting ready for this big change that’s coming our way.

One year passes quickly, and who knows what gifts it has in store for us?!

El Otro Lado and My American Dream

My every waking moment (and many of my sleeping moments) are filled with thoughts about immigration. So here I am, lying beside my youngest, who for the first time in four nights is sleeping peacefully, and I am thinking of our big move.

You know, I feel like a stranger in our country. Sometimes people ask if I am from the US, and I always say, “Yes, but I am Mexican in my heart.” It’s true. This country has been good to me. Teaching here is a dream. Raising a family here is almost perfect. Mexico is IN me now…

But…

I know there are things that are good for us in el otro lado too. The other side has my family. It has the fellowship that I’ve craved spiritually for six years. In the other side, my husband can be paid for his labor. En el otro lado, our family will be able to set up a good life…

But…

On this side, my girls won’t have the same temptations I faced as a teen. On this side, our family isn’t judged harshly for being “mixed.” In Mexico, eating fresh is a normal part of life–even fast food is freshly prepared! In this side, I can work for schools that provide housing and private school education for my girls.

But…

You get the point, right? This is the hard part. We go back and forth between the good and bad of both of our countries. At the end of the day, I find myself chasing the ever familiar, yet ever-elusive American dream. It is easier for me to think of how much more money we will make in the U.S. It is easier to think of the home we can build, and the family we can raise. That’s easier than making a pro/con list in my mind with ever conscious thought.

I think of our family–nestled on the porch of Granny’s cabin, surrounded by the mating songs of crickets. I think of that sweet breeze blowing away any lingering sticky of the day’s humidity. I think of waking up early, making a coffee on my fancy new espresso machine, and sitting down to read my bible before the girls wake. I think of Saturday mornings, and tables full of biscuits and gravy. I think of summer evenings, the faint smell of cows and freshly cut grass, while listening to the ring of laughter as the girls play. I think of planting a garden, harvesting tomatoes, and making salsa on demand. I think of milking cows, laying hens, and daily chores. I think of hosting family dinners, and having sleepovers with cousins. I think of porch swings, barbecue grills, and magnolia trees. I think of convention and gospel meetings with the people that I grew up with. I think of crisp curtains and open windows–listening to the rain on a tin roof.

My American dream is what keeps me going. Just like all the other immigrants who’ve crossed that border before us–risking their lives and their freedom for a dream of something better for their families.

(I let myself be deceived right now–it’s way easier than noticing how the con side outweighs the pro side.)

I focus on my American dream…not just for me, but my family. And I hope that we find it waiting for us en el otro lado.

A Matter of Heart (The Immigration Version)

You guys should know that all my immigration news has led me down to a sad place.  Last week I felt like a heavy weight of worry and doubt was hanging over my heart.  When my inside is a mess, I make my outside very tidy!  I clean.  I organize.  I create order.

This is a pretty good method–and it tends to work well for me.  That’s what I did this weekend.  I tackled one bedroom (our summer bedroom that has the air conditioner and most of our clothes).  I did laundry, and then I sorted the laundry: clothes we can still wear went in the closet.  Clothes that are winter clothes went to a missionary here in Coahuila or to my friends with small children.  And I began my first box of things to move.  Right now it contains the girls’ baby blankets and our winter items that we bought in Chiapas during Christmas vacation.

I also made a conscious effort to settle myself spiritually.  Saturday morning I worked through this question: What is different between my life now and my life six years ago?  Six years ago, I had no problem leaving it all in God’s hands and trusting his guidance.  What I realized is that I am not taking the time to read and pray like I used to.  When I wake up, I am usually followed by a couple munchkins, and then my day gets busy.  I have to make an effort to read and pray!

I am recommitting my purpose to trusting God.  There is no way any of us will make it the next year (month? week? day?) without trusting God.  I KNOW he has good things planned for us.  I KNOW there is a reason he is bringing us back to East Tennessee.  I KNOW that without trust I will continue to feel sad and hopeless.

I believe in his plan…although I don’t know what it is.  Until it all comes to light, I will continue to make a daily effort to communicate with my heavenly father.  We heard recently that our time of prayer can’t just be us talking, talking, talking.  There has to be time for us to listen to what God has to say.

Are you there, God? It’s me, Jania.  I am listening…

P.S. The literary reference came naturally…

11 “…For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the Lord…  (Jeremiah 29)

Immigrant Visa Update

So, you know how I mentioned the ups and downs of the visa process?

I waited for Victor’s passport so I could progress with the visa application.  He got his passport.

THEN

I had to compile a list of all his addresses for the last twenty years…  I progressed through the addresses in a mad rush–because I knew from previous experience that one error could keep me from being able to save all the work for a future time.

THEN

I had to figure out all the addresses and a timeline for all the places that he worked for the last 10 years.  (Remember, Victor was a laborer in the States.  Those guys work wherever they can get a job!)  We compiled the list of all the places, addresses, etc. of where he worked.

THEN

I finished his application!  “Hooray!” I thought, “Now we can finish his application so that we can make his visa appointment!  My friend made her visa appointment in January, and she was able to be scheduled in February.  So, I didn’t think it would be too difficult.

Now, this is where we stand: Victor’s visa appointment isn’t until late July.  The girls and I are leaving Mexico at the end of June.  Why is this important? you may be asking…

Well, in order for Victor to be able to file his waivers, he has to have his visa appointment.  An appointment that is basically a big waste of money, time, and effort.  He has to pay the money to travel Juarez, pay for the medical appointments, get fingerprinted, etc.  (All the normal visa business…)  Here’s where we are different:  we know that Victor will be denied the visa due to his deportation.  We can’t file the waiver(s) until he is denied.  The waivers take 4-6 months for processing (if we’re lucky…)

Basically, this means that best case scenario is I will be without my husband, and the girls will be without their dad from the end of June until December.

This is why we needed that appointment sooner than later.

Nothing about this process is easy–least of all on my emotional well-being.  I hate hearing and seeing all the ignorant posts that people put on Facebook regarding immigration.  It puts me in a fury.

I will continue to check the calendar.  Apparently it is possible that other appointments show up before July.  Here’s to hoping that is our case…

Good Times Are Coming

It’s easy to get discouraged and depressed right now. I feel a bit in limbo, and that’s not a great feeling at all!

The future is so unknown. To be fair, the future is always unknown–but we don’t admit that to ourselves. We plan our lives with comfort, scheduling vacations, parties, and general business as if those days are really guaranteed.

Nothing feels more uncomfortable than half-plans. “We will do this, but we don’t know the outcome…” Normally when we make plans, we do it with security–not taking too big of a risk. Risk is scary.

That’s what makes Victor’s paperwork so difficult. We don’t know how it will work. We don’t know when he will get to cross la frontera. There’s a lot of risk in us filing thousands of dollars worth of applications with no guarantee.

Here’s a fun fact for you: did you know it is possible to be approved on a visa, but still denied access to the United States? True story.

Last week was rough–one setback after another. Sometime late last week I though of something my husband said on the night we met. He said, “I believe that God sends us hard times because he is preparing us for the good times that are coming. And maybe we wouldn’t appreciate it if we didn’t have the hard time first.” A wise man, my husband.

So this is my comfort again:

Precious thought, my Father knoweth; In His love I rest,
For whate’er my Father doeth
Must be always best.

Well I know the Heart that planneth Naught but good for me;
Joy and sorrow interwoven–
Love in all I see.

It’s so easy to get discouraged, but I know that is why I have to keep pressing forward! The good things are never easy. And although I feel scared and nervous, I also try to keep my eyes forward. God has a plan for us, or this situation wouldn’t be the one we are facing. We just have to wait for it to be revealed.

Are You Kidding Me? (Immigrating Sucks)

“Are you kidding me?”  I literally just said this.  Today Victor went to go get his new passport so that we (I) can fill out his application for a visa to our wonderful country.  (Sarcasm intended…)

So, let me tell you a little something about the application for a visa:

You can’t just fill out an application for a visa like you might other applications.  I have filed in the past for the girls’ American papers (i.e. the report of birth abroad).  I have printed the other applications that Victor needs to be able to join us in the U.S.  That’s the key in many applications.  You can print them.  You can see what they require.  You can work on them, then return to them.

Not this lovely application.

First of all, you have to ask if you can even file the visa application.  I literally had to prove that Victor and I are married enough.  I spent the fall preparing that paperwork (asking for affidavits from friends who have spent time with us, making a photo timeline of our lives as one, compiling a PILE of papers that are requested by my country, etc.).  THEN, I scheduled an appointment in Monterrey to present my paperwork and file the i-130 (Petition for Alien Relative).  The man we met with (an agent from Homeland Security) was the best part of that visit.  He was a gentleman–and a very kind and helpful person.  I imagine that by the time people get to him, they need someone kind and helpful…

My process for this was much quicker than most applications, because I am filing from Mexico.  The application was approved and the case was sent directly to Juarez.  For many applicants in the U.S. they wait on this first step for MONTHS.  I received notice two weeks later that our petition was approved.

So, my friends… at this point, I began waiting.  Because even though our application was approved, I still needed the official letter in order to begin the application for the visa.  So I thought.

Nope.  Victor needed a new passport.  More waiting.

Today he got his passport, so I continued the application.  Another roadblock.

Let me tell you: you can’t even preview the application to see what you need online.  You receive access page by page.  So, I get to the page that asks for address.  Not just the address for where we live now.  Not just the address for the last five years.  No, they want all the addresses from the time Victor was 16.

16 YEARS OLD!!!!!!!!

How many people keep up with all of their addresses for 20 years?

Oh, and to make this application SO much fun: the website logged me out twice, and neither time would it save what I had added.  AND it won’t let me save the addresses that I have access to, then add the others later.

Guys, you need to know this: Our country does not make it easy for people to immigrate.  It doesn’t even make it easy for an American citizen to register their own children as Americans.

Do me a favor?  Stop saying, “It’s okay for people to come to the country, as long as they do it legally.”  Unless you have been through this process, you. have. no. idea.

I am ready to toss my teaching license down the shithole (a proper use for the word–as I am not referring to anyone’s country, but rather the commode that you shit in), and chill as an expat for the rest of our lives.