What I really wanted to name this was The Ridiculousness That Lies In Push Presents. BUT, I showed restraint (for about two seconds…)
For those of you unaware of this new trend, Push Presents or Push Gifts are presents given to women by their husbands after they deliver a child. That’s right, all you mamas who never received anything but your babies and some stretch marks. You should have been delivering during the age of Gimme-Gimme.
I mean, really?!
So the reasoning is (supposedly) that a woman carries a baby for nine months, suffers through all the icks of pregnancy, and then has a “ruined” body to show for it. Despite the name, pushing isn’t a prerequisite for obtaining a gift. Women who have delivered by Cesarean are also included. Husbands are to buy their wife something to show how much they love them for withstanding the ordeal of childbirth.
What happened to just being happy with that new baby? Oh! AND apparently, the gifts are usually determined by the woman and suggested to the man (not a surprise). This will be my message to my husband:
Because I have carried your chubby Mexican baby in my body for nine months, I have some news for you. After I push the little gordito out, you must show your adoration by giving me a gift. I know what you’re thinking: the months of back rubbing and longsuffering (listening to me whine) weren’t enough? No.
But I’ve decided that I am going to change the rules. I don’t want you to purchase me something that I will probably lose or break. No, no, no. Instead, you can show me how much you love me by changing diapers for the first several months. Oh! And did I mention that we’ll be using cloth diapers? Be sure to get ready to wash out that icky black poop that babies have when they’re born!
Your (fat) wife
Why don’t more women ask for logical Push Presents? Is jewelry really what you want from your husband? You know what? I know that my husband is so excited about this baby–I won’t even have to suggest that he help me out. In fact, maybe I should get him a Thank-You-For-Dealing-With-Me gift. Somehow that seems more appropriate…