Oh…You Speak English?

I really came close to making a big mistake.  I was under the impression that Victor and I are the only English speakers in birthing class.

Nope.

I’ve been getting frustrated.  You see, this is the way birthing class goes:

  1. Walk around on my toes.
  2. Some stretches and light exercises.
  3. Breathing Work.
  4. Partner massage (my favorite).
  5. Birth Lesson.

One through four aren’t that bad.  I actually really enjoy it–and feel like the breathing exercises are helpful (despite the fact that I have a cold and can’t quite cut it…)  Four is by far the best part of the day–as we stretch out on labor balls (I don’t really know what they’re called.  This is much better than my previous experiences with them where I was doing sit-ups and ab work…) and our partners massage our backs.  Sigh.  My kinda class…

Well, then part five comes along.  This wouldn’t be that bad, except I am a nerd.  I love to learn new things–and I read ALL about pregnancy, birth, and lactation.  I’ve read interest articles, research articles, opinion articles.  I’ve watched videos and documentaries detailing everything.  I have a mom who (according to Victor) really knows her stuff.  And so, while there is a lot I haven’t experienced yet, I am doing my best to stay educated and informed.

Not the case with all mothers.

Our lessons are constantly interrupted with questions like, “If I drink a lot of milk will it help me produce more milk?” And “Is it okay to drink beer to help my milk come in?” And “If your boobs are bigger, does that mean that you will have more milk?BIG SIGH.

The worst part is that the class is from 7-9 p.m. and that is already encroaching on my sleepy time.  Then we walk home, shower, and by the time I FINALLY crawl into bed, I am a big brat.  So the whole time, Victor listens intently, translates the ridiculous parts, and then laughs with me quietly as we scoff at silly questions.

Last week, the instructor/midwife asked a bored-looking teen soon-to-be-father if he had learned anything, and he replied, “No.  We watched this on YouTube.” Another time, the same kid said, “We read all about that on the internet.” So see!  I am NOT the only one!

Of course, he doesn’t mutter in English just to find out when he leaves that the two couples that attract the most negative comments speak perfect English…Perfect.

5 responses

  1. I had gripes about my maternity classes too!! This were from when I was pregnant with Harper but your post made me think back to them! http://birminghambell.com/2011/09/26/post-maternity-class/ The hospital I went to (which I picked because I worked there and I liked it -no brainer) had a program that would send low income/welfare patients to the maternity classes mandatorily and I think it put a lot of “different” people in the class with us who wouldn’t have normally attended. I’m not bashing people who are on welfare because I was on it once myself…but a lot of these folks just would not have been there otherwise! Our teacher even had a pelvis skeleton she shoved a baby through just “so we would know how it works”…ummmm yea…I know the baby comes out of the vagina, lady, I got it!!! No need to spell it out for me, I’m already a little freaked out by the baby to vagina ratio!!! Breastfeeding class was even worse for the stupid questions! I learned much more from our hospitals lactation nurses once Harper was actually born!

    • Thanks for sharing! I honestly am so happy that most people CAN’T understand me…for times like this! I worry about breastfeeding a little–because we don’t really have a lot of lactation support. I am hoping my baby will have the know-how when it comes to latching on–cause his mama doesn’t!

      • If you don’t have much lactation support, I wonder if there are youtube videos on it? Just a thought! I really needed help from our lactation nurses…I would literally call them almost every feeding to help me because Harper only wanted the nipple part, not the whole thing, and that will make you feel like your nipple is going to fall off after a few times!

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