My Thoughts This Sunny Sunday Morning

I woke up early. I ate a tamale for breakfast (what?). I read my bible. I took a shower. I got dressed. I grabbed my purse and realized I have no pesos. This payday was the first time I haven’t been paid cash. It has been a grand problem. I’m completely bummed–the bank is too far away for me to make it there in time to get cash, and get on my bus to Ocozocoautla. To make matters worse, my report cards are due tomorrow, and I don’t have a computer. So, I have to skidaddle to the school to work all day. Ugh. What a lame Sunday.

In other news: I’ve so appreciated the Psalms today. I love reading there. It is so easy to be fed in Spanish–and simple enough for me to share my thoughts. I’ve been thinking of this journey that I’ve been on since August. The “ups and downs” were just downs for a while. It was easy to rely on the Lord, as I felt so needy. Now, I am happy, content, and grateful. But I want to have a neediness to still be close to him. No one likes a friend who only comes to you when they need something.

So, just to walk you through my thoughts (They go in order…): Psalm 27:3 Though an host should encamp against me, my heart should not fear…for in the time of trouble, he shall hide me in his pavilion. In August, life started to fall apart. Sometimes, it is necessary to destroy something so that something stronger and more beautiful can be built there. I didn’t know that at the time. I just thought that my life was the pits. The last verse of Psalm 27 talks about waiting on the Lord for strength. It’s my friends and family’s message to me. Psalms 28 starts with a plea. It is my August, September, October, November, and most of December all rolled into one. Unto thee will I cry, O Lord my rock; be not silent unto me…

Then December came to an end. Psalm 28:6 Blessed be the Lord because he heard my supplications. :7 The Lord is my strength and my shield… I always liked thinking of the Lord as my shield. It explains why we still hurt. A shield protects you from the worst, but you still feel the blows–just not the full brunt of them like you would without the shield. …my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth, and with my song will I praise him. Well, there is the end of last year, and the beginning of this year.

The last verse of the 28th chapter: The Lord will give strength unto his people; the Lord will bless his people with peace. How grateful I am for peace! I feel like my life was so unrestful for so long, God’s peace is accompanied by my sigh of relief! Now, I have to protect it. I tend to find ways to allow my peace to escape.

Psalm 30 continues:
I will extol thee, oh Lord; for thou hast lifted me up…I cried unto thee, and thou hast healed me. I am aware that I was brought out of a darkness. We hear people talk so often about being grateful for what they’ve been brought away from. I always thought they were talking about when they initially made their choice to follow God. I don’t think so now. I think we must wander off, and need constant rescuing from ourselves.

This is my favorite verse today: Psalms 30:6 And in my prosperity I said, I shall never be moved. Lord, by thy favor thou hast made my mountain to stand strong; thou didst hide thy face, and I was troubled. It’s the good times that get me into a pickle. I am glad God troubles our hearts though, and brings us to a place where we can recognize our weakness. Hear, o Lord, and have mercy upon me: Lord, be thou my helper. Yes, please.

Psalm 30:11 Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing; thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness. To that end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent. O Lord, I will give thanks unto thee forever.

Amen.

4 responses

  1. I’m so glad the Lord is healing your heart. Wish I had known you were hurting so much! You can always call me any time! I’m so glad you know where to find that refuge from the storm. The Lord is our comforter in times of need and our joy in times of gladness… Aaron found a scripture in the Old Testatment that uses the word “fat” to refer to being filled with that joy which he has now adopted into his vocabulary and has everyone in the family saying it! Your cousin is a character! When I ask him how he is doing, if he is having a particularly good day, he’ll say, “I’m FAT!” Only our nutty family really knows what he means! 🙂

  2. This was beautiful, Jania! I especially love your thoughts on the Lord being our shield, and the reason for still hurting. If we didn’t feel the pain, we wouldn’t realize how much we need Him. It seems tricky, but it’s really so simple, isn’t it? Which leads me to…us wandering off and needing constant rescuing from ourselves. I was reminded yesterday of how important it is to NEED God. I tend to get so caught up in my own life, especially when it’s as busy as it has been, and I forget the things which are really important. Time spent with the friends yesterday was such a good reminder of what I need to be focusing on in my life, and where I can find the most peace.
    I miss you, hope you’re having the time of your life 🙂

    • I totally understand, Pheebz! Sometimes I think we need to remember what will really matter in the end. It isn’t our job or the money that we’ve made. I am so happy here (with nothing) compared to in Virginia with everything! I just miss my sweet friends there…and our meeting! It is hard to feel “full” when I struggle to understand!

      Miss you and love you lots!
      I’m serious about that chat…
      Nino

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